Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
