you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
