I just cut my nipple shaving
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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