i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
