just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
