definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
