We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
