We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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