I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
