Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You made out with two different species that night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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