i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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