Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
