I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize