Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This baby is an asshole
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
