So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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