Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
40s are totally the cure
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
