There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
