I only kidnapped one of them. chill
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
