fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
