I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
