You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
