Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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