I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
