After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My cat gives me a boner
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize