Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
