Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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