This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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