big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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