Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
