There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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