I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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