Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
