please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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