He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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