I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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