life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
