i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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