Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
