I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
