FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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