So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i think my cat just said my name.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
