Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
