I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
