My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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