I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
