My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
