put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
