My room smells like vodka and shame
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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