I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
