All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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