After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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