i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize