Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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