3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
