So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
