so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
