just come out here and I will go home with you...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
