i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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