my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Couch. On fire.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
