my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
