Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
