Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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