I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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