I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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