I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
