We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
