i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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