Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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