also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
