She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
