cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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