Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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