I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
