dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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