Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize