just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
