I wish I could punch you in the face.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
