He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
