i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Found your dick twin last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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