After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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