my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
