Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
