Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
