woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
