I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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