White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
