I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
