lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
