You're my little dorito
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
40s are totally the cure
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
