drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They took my balls.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize