Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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