Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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