its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
