I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
