you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
