hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize